So this is my first time doing this whole blogging thing. I don't know if I'm going to like it but hey it's always good to try something new right? The reason I'm doing it though is because I need some place that I can vent, I guess.
If you don't know. I'm in the Army. I'm currently in Kuwait.
Nothing here is hard. The work load is easy and I have everything here that I do in the states. Well minus a car, but there are buses and everything is within walking distance. There is something on the other hand that changes everything.
See the military changes the way that you look at people. Rank means everything. If you don't have it your shit, and you get treated that way. Lower enlisted people spend alot of time as gum on the bottom of a Sergeants combat boot. Let me tell you combat boots are heavy even without the people in them. So it becomes to where you won't talk to people even out of uniform because of what rank they MIGHT be. I try to not do that but sometimes it's hard. Not only that but you can't get close to people. Giving a hug even feels forbidden even though it's not. I generally like people and it's hard for me to lose personal contact with people and suddenly feel alone.
I'm also having trouble dealing with things back home. When I got here my brother, Evan (and if your reading this and don't know about Evan than keep reading and I might explain him someday,) told me that his wife is here in Kuwait. Well his wife, Maria, is awesome. She is easy to get along with and she isn't a whiny complainy female. It seems though the more I hang out with her the more that I realize I am no longer important to my brother. It's nothing that maria has said or done to make me think that it's just....I don't know.
I feel like I need an escape from my brain. To find a place in my heart to trap myself inside. To feel that feeling you feel as a child when Pappa holds you in his arms and rocks you to sleep. That safety that securety, the ability to hide away and become invisable.
Because I am invisable,
And alone
While holding onto my past
And the little sanity I possess
Keep up with me, this one was kinda depressing but it will get better I promise.
Clare Kathryn
Being that far away is always hard, i know you feel alone, but your not. Im always here if you want to talk, facebook seems to be my life as well, lol. Your really not missing much back home, it's cold like the 50's windy as ever and no rain for like 2 weeks. Typical handle weather. I'm sorry you are having a hard time, you will find it inside you not to judge people just because of rank, you never have, it's just something new that comes with new territory, you dont want to get shit for what you've done because you have enough on your plate already. keep your head up, God is always there to listen, he's the one who will never leave you. if you need me im here. Love you! <3 xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteDon't worry even though you feel like that it may not always be like that you are inportant to me no matter what happens between me and evan
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