Familiar

Fighting all the things that run strait through my head. I stare up at the ceiling thinking "how did I get here." I begin to break it down. Slowly but surly I have hit the bottom. It all started with Sammy, but what will it end with. Long lost thoughts and feelings that I avoid and push away so often hit me randomly with no rhyme or reason. I create circles that create spindles of memories that get so wrapped around everything else they become intertwined. "Round like a circle in a spiral like a wheel within a wheel, never ending or beginning on an ever spinning reel. Like a snowball down a mountain or a carnival balloon." I remember vividly sitting on the floor watching my mom play that ever so familiar tune. Listening to the songs, when she played, I learned that if you close your eyes and let everything go, how the music seemed to hit your soul. The very inside of every feeling that you can hold and discover. Feelings that just need mending. Ones that you never knew were there. Sometimes I wish I was still that little girl sitting on the floor in front of her. Breathing in the smell of her avocado soap and studying the graceful movements of her fingers. When the air around me is so familiar. No sand, no dust, no feeling like I'm breathing underwater due to humidity. Not trying to block out the horrible smell of gear that has mildewed or the smell of the tent that is filled with to many sweating people. Choking on the spray that they try to use to cover it up.

Anyway other than the depressing beginning, which seems to always happen with my blogs. Work is getting better. The headaches are still horrible, but I'm so used to it now that it has become a normal way of life.

Sorry I didn't have anything more interesting.

Stay with me,

Love from a Soldier
Clare Kathryn